Sister, Sister

An excerpt from my application for TLC's Long Lost Family..

"Some would say I have enough siblings to suffice. I am the fourth child of five on my paternal side, and the 7th of eight on my maternal side. I am the only child from my mother and father. 
But that doesn't stop me from wondering, 'How is she? Does she look like me? Did her adoptive parents tell her?' 
My mother gave her 8th child up for adoption in Panama City Beach, Florida in 1992. 
She birthed a baby girl and was told that the foster mom named her Elizabeth. The information from my mother is:

-Elizabeth was born in April 1992
-It was an open adoption. And she did receive photos on one or two occasions.
-the adoption agent's name was Mary Barnes (sp?)
-the agent said the adoptive mother could be my mother's sister because they favor so much.
-baby Elizabeth was born at Medical Bay hospital
-the adoptive parents lived in Pensacola at the time 

I have always thought of my sister. I used ancestry.com, and social media to try to find her. With very little information, I didn't get anywhere. My main concern is to find her parents first. I'm not looking to destroy her expectations of her family. I don't want to be the one who tells her that she is adopted. Since contact was lost at a young age, she could still think her adoptive parents are her birth parents. I want to meet them first.... "

.. they weren't able to find her either, but they did try to help. :)

To think I have been trying all that I can for the past 15 years or so to find this unknown person is sometimes so crazy to me. Like.. she could totally hate me, but I am going for it. Through the whole process, I just wanted to know that she was okay. I wanted to know that she had a good life and a good family. I always focused my search on finding her parents, because it was never my place to tell her she was adopted. I never wanted to hurt anyone. For many years, I felt like a failure. All this technology at my fingertips... and I still can't find her. I applied to be on a freaking TV show (and they contacted me back) and still couldn't find her. Where did I go wrong? 

It wasn't until 2017 that I realized all that I had LEARNED from trying to find her. Starting this journey opened up a whole new world for me. My love of Genealogy. I am sure it was always there, but it was flourished because of her. I have used all this knowledge to help so many people over the years. Some with great success and some with no solution at all. I decided to start my little side quest (insert Zelda theme here) and Genealogy Girl was born! Since then, I have been able to help even more with their genealogy, finding family members, hunting graves and returning photos/documents from estate sales/vintage stores to the original families/blood lines. It has been an amazing experience so far! For me, she is more than my blood sister. She became my inspiration for the amazing things that I do now to help others.,, and that isn't even the icing on the cake. 

As of January 1, 2022, I still had not found my sister. 15 years or so of looking, trying, crying, DNA test, searching... and ultimately, she FOUND ME!

Haley Elizabeth contacted our cousin, Dana through 23andMe on 01/01/22. I have been communicating with my biological sister for two days. TWO. DAYS!

It has been an emotional roller coaster for sure, but I have been waiting to get on this ride for a long time. 

-

Photography captured Me

Well, 2021... You certainly showed out. Not as crazy as 2020, but still. What a year this has been. I have done a ton of reflecting and accessing my life in the past year, and it has sucked..  

So, I look back on my photography and I am proud of how far I had come. All the things that I had learned- good and bad. I cannot believe the comparison of the final photo from 2006 to 2021. 15 years of progress, heartbreak, so many proud moments, and so many tears. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me to take photos of people with Santa at her event. I set the price and everything. He was there for free, but if anyone wanted a decent shot, then I was there. Cool. Totally cool. The disapproving comments of price outweighed those who were grateful that there was a photographer there. Sure $25 is a lot to some and nothing to others. Something in me clicked that day. I had reached a point where I just cannot do it anymore. 

So many tears were shed over this. Like, wow. 15 years and here I am. Nowhere near where I wanted to be by this time. Someone pointed out to me "If it was really important to you, then wouldn't you have put it first." That was hard to hear, but still accurate. I allowed so many other things to come before my photography and I still do. So, I only have myself to blame. 

That was even harder to accept. 

Whenever I talk about it, and even as I sit here and write about it, there is a huge heavy weight on the center of my chest. I truly enjoy photography so much. I love being able to offer great pictures as affordable rates, but something has to give. I have had some amazing clients over the years. Truly wonderful people who have trusted me to help document their lives. I have watched babies grow from newborns to 6-year-old kids. I have photographed baby announcements, maternity, and their first newborn pictures. I have watch families grow from 3 kids to the last kid's Senior year. All through the lens of my camera. 

I do not want that same thing to happen to my writing. I don't want to look back on 2022 and think "Man, that could have been the year I wrote a book." So, I finish this year with only a few photoshoots for 2022 and will not be scheduling anymore. It is time to take a step back and use what I have learned in my photography and apply it to my job, my work at the paper, and my book. It is time to be a published author. 

-Katie

Family is not always your Friend

 December 15, 2021

It's hard to believe that it has been a year since I received a certified letter from my uncle (on the bio dad's side) claiming that I owe him money. Umm... what? Let's take it back..

My biological father was found deceased on December 5, 2019. He is presumed to have died from a heart attack in his bathroom and was not discovered until approximately two weeks after death. (It appears he had pulled an "Elvis.") I got the call right after I had volunteered at an event in Dillard's at the mall and I quite LITERALLY hollered in the store. I have gotten so much better at using what little tact I have. But the minute that I heard "Your dad died." from my niece, Caitlin, it was like a million pounds had been lifted off my chest. No more living in fear of seeing him or dealing with his drama anymore. Done. Done. DONE! 

I called my brother, Chris, and talked with him. We had not spoken in years. Probably since I had lived in Bossier City, LA back in 2008. Our conversation was rough at the beginning, but over the past year we have gotten better about staying in touch. He sent me my uncle's information so that I could contact him as well. Chris had known already and had been trying to get in touch with me, but he had no idea where to start. I drove down to Sarepta, LA that week to my grandmother's house where my uncle and his wife had been. My aunt and uncle met me outside where we sat and talked for about an hour. They had no idea the conditions that I lived in as a teenager living with my bio dad and his wife at the time. That is how bio dad wanted it though. If anyone knew the truth about our lives, living conditions, and the things we lacked then they wouldn't believe the lies he told about me. Then he would be the bad parent instead of me being the bad runaway kid. Grandma's house was so full of stuff. Just stuff. All the things that people collect over the years that make up a life and then another kind of life once your spouse passes on. The smell was horrific. I had never smelled anything like that in my life. 

The living room where I spent several Christmas holidays, Thanksgiving Days, and Easter Sundays sitting on the floor playing with my little sister was covered in trash bags, old newspapers, boxes and years of neglect. My grandmother's old furniture was still in the same spot it always had been, and the radio/record player had not been moved in decades, I am sure. The pictures on the wall were in the same place as always but the pictures of bio dad were updated to his most recent ex-wife. The pictures of me and my little sister were still up, too. The spot where my face was had a small picture of my little sister over it. I guess cutting me out of the picture all together was too far. <shrug> 

My aunt and uncle offered to let me go in bio dad's room to "get a few things." I couldn't think of anything in particular that I wanted at the time, because I didn't know bio dad. But I told myself that I would get a few things for my little sister and mail them to her. It was crammed full of so much stuff. Most of it was so packed together it was hard to tell what legitimate belongings was, junk, or just trash. My aunt was in there the whole time. I found an old family album and we looked through it together. Everything I looked at, she looked over before putting it in a "Katie" pile. She didn't leave the room as long as I was in there until my uncle came back. It was rather odd to have them hover, but I didn't truly know them. They equally didn't know me either. After about 15-20 minutes in the room, my aunt said "You think you got enough stuff? We need to leave to pay the water bill." I looked up kind of stunned at the way she approached that question. I said "Sure." and left with a bag and a few photos to send to Summer. On the way out the door, I saw a navy-colored pillow that had "PEPAW" monogrammed on it sitting on the back of the couch. "I made that pillow for grandpa when I was in high school home economics!" I said. Without hesitation she said, "You can have it!"

The many details of the following year were stressful, expensive, unanswered, and heartbreaking. Then on December 15, 2020, I got a certified letter in the mail. Detailing the expenses that had accrued on the home and how the ownership of the home broke down. I had no idea that Louisiana Law saw me as one of the heirs to bio dad's part of grandma's home. My uncle made it clear when I went down there that he got bio dad's part of the home because grandma set it up that way. I didn't know any different, so I didn't question it. Anyway, there I was with a letter (which I originally thought he was suing me- he wasn't) that says I am responsible for reimbursing him the money he has spent on the home. Of course, he lists several on this letter that he feels are responsible, how much they should each pay and by when it should be paid. 

I have had to endure the process, appointments, time, money and heart ache of one failed attorney, and now a successful one, my little sister calling me a liar through it all, and the unknown of where it all will go. Here I am, a year later and it still isn't resolved. Once I found the correct attorney in Louisiana, the process has been much smoother. We are close to $3000 paid out due to my bio dad's inability to think of anyone but himself. (A combined price of attorney fees, gas, filing fees, and more) At the end of it all, I push myself to keep up the momentum. I won't let this stop. I won't stop until it is all over and done. I don't want any of this to EVER come back on my daughter in the future, so I am pushing for a solution no matter how long it takes. 

 After following the succession/probate laws of Louisiana, I now own 16.66% of my grandmother's home in Sarepta, LA. I am responsible for ensuring that my portion is sold to the highest bidder or pay the taxes and others that are required of a homeowner in Louisiana. I never thought I would own a home, but here I am being an owner and junk! 

So here I am. One year after I got the letter that started the process that brought me to where I am today. The letter that set many great things in motion. Of all the days of the year, I will now be grateful for December 15th. It is no longer bio dad's birthday. It is now the day that he finally gave me something that has meaning- the memory of why I will always be a better person and a better parent to my daughter than he ever was to me. 

Wither Up

I have been reading a book titled ‘The Huntress’ by Kate Quinn. The setting is during the 2nd World War. It flips between two main people- one during the war and the other during a time after the war. Anyways, the time was so different then. Families had a shop that was the family business and everyone worked there when they got old enough to do so. Then the shop passed down from generation to generation. That’s how it was. The father was a business man whose son would one day walk in his footsteps. Women stayed home to chase babies and keep house before the war… and even after the war was over. The women who survived just had to go right back to housekeeping. It was a different time. The young character in the book said ‘All dreams wither up in the glaring light of real life.’ 

Wow.. that is so profound. 

I remember being in high school. I kept telling myself that was going to be big someday. When I turned 18, I would finally have the strength to walk out David’s door and never look back. I was going to New York, ya’ll! I was going to change my name and become a photojournalist. I would hitch hike there, if I had to. ‘Couldn’t be treated worse than I have my whole life.” I would tell myself. Whatever it took to get away. 

That’s not how it was. I ran away, graduated early, and got out of town. Didn’t go far though; El Dorado, AR. I remember sitting in my mom’s house, months later, feeling disappointed. How I hadn’t fulfilled my dream. How I hadn’t went to New York. There I was living with my mom and working because that is what you gotta do. There it was- the realization that life had swallowed up my dream. It took a while to get over, but I did. (Turns out- not a fan of New York. LOL)

Sometimes this is still true, for me. The things you always want to do. Or the things you wish you had time for… BOOM! Life is just standing there like ‘HELLO! You’ve got no time. You have responsibilities. Turn around and go back to start. Do not pass GO! Do not collect $200.’ Oh wait.. that’s Monopoly, not The Game of Life. :D

So I just grab onto what I can and let go of most everything else. Life will change your focus. It will bring you everything and nothing. It will suck and be great. It goes up & down and back again. Hold on tight.

Leader. Leader. Pumpkin Eater.

 I did it again.. Took forever to write another one. You know how they say "If it is important to you, then you will make time for it?" I don't necessarily agree with that. There are a lot of things that I would love to do, but there just isn't the time. So, FOOEY on that! Well, anyways. I have had something on my mind for a while to write about. Probably not the easiest thing for me to talk about but I gotta get it out there. 

Leadership. 

What is it? I have struggled with the meaning of this word for longer than anyone should. I never looked at myself as a leader or even considered myself to have leadership qualities for a long time. I used to work for a company that was super big into leadership training. I think that is when I first learned that *maybe* I have leadership qualities. I would toy around with that idea in my head off and on. Something would always come up that would change my mind. "You have that quality!"    "Oh, no. Never mind. You are not like that." It has just been a constant back and forth to this day with what the heck a leader is! Does anyone really know? ughhh.

I remember doing an event and it going so well. Of course, there are always hiccups to any event but this one was so good! I just knew that me and my team would get so much praise for a job well done! That is what a good leader does for their team. They take the moments to celebrate success, no matter how small. Instead we were met with "See how you were successful? I did that for you. I set you up to be successful." Umm.. come again? There were a lot of moments that made me feel less empowered, less confident, and not like leadership material at all. Then to hear that was devastating to my soul. But then something clicked, and I realized that I had heard that phrase before. "You got those As because of me. I am the one that did that." That is when I knew that the "leadership" I was under was not for me. I believe that people deserve to receive the credit that they worked for and not in a watered down form. 

Give. The. Damn. Credit. 

I am NOT perfect by any means. Like.. holy crap- sometimes the worst. I have to physically tell myself to not be petty sometimes. LOL. Of course, NO ONE is perfect. I know that, but it seems that a "leader" should at least be decent and willing to try to be better. I think I have that. I am an OK person who tries to do good, but messes up all the time. Like.. A LOT. Seriously working on my mental health, ya'll. Anyways, here is my question. If someone steals money, while claiming to be a leader in the community; a well known 'advocate'; in all the magazines.. is that person still a leader? What if they have made a quiet vow to 'change' and 'do good.' Does that reverse what they did? Do they get a second chance? I struggle with this. I see people like this lifted up in the community or beaming from ear to ear in a 'leadership' group or role and I think to myself, "I am totally not a leader." 

What if someone goes out of their way to be mean or cruel? Like unprovoked just plain mean. And said person is in all the 'leadership' groups and teaches it too! Is that was a leader does? Make you feel small, and meek so that you will want to be better? Oh wait.. is that a challenge to help you "grow." Love that one. "Well, I am doing this to challenge you. I am doing this to help you grow." 

Ummm.... No, thanks. 

So, here I am. Unable to understand the concept of a leader or leadership qualities. I couldn't even sit through a short 1 hour open discussion leadership class without crying because I am cray cray. I don't talk about it a lot because it comes from a misunderstood place for me. This whole leadership thing is hard, ya'll! And why do I care so much? I HAVE NO IDEA! But here it is, weighing on my mind. 

Thanks, ya'll.

#getKatietoKelly

 Well, I waited much longer to do the next entry than I should have. #NoExcuse

This may seem like an "off the wall" story, but I need ya'll's help. So, way back when (like 2008).. maybe... I took one of those Facebook or myspace quizzes that read "Which celebrity do you look like?" It wasn't really a quiz that you answer questions. I just had to check the box to give them access to my entire life and then upload a picture. Simple enough, right? Nothing could have prepared me for the outpouring of support that I would receive over the next 10+ years from just clicking "Submit." 

So it went through it's loading stage and BOOM! There I was with my face next to Kelly Clarkson's face with a 95% face match. I was so surprised! Never did I think I looked like her, but since they pointed it out...well, heck yea I do! There was no going back ever again. Ever. 

Over the years, people continued to tell me that I looked like her and I just kind of shrugged it off like "OH yea? Okay." But then one day, I decided to just own it. So, picture it. I am just walking around, minding my own business when someone says, "Gosh, you just look so familiar!" Of course, I say "Oh!!! I look like Kelly Clarkson!" I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have said that in my life. Like.. no one cares, Katie. But that doesn't stop me at all! I said it all the time when I first became a marketer. I would go into a business, introduce myself, and we would get to talking. I love building relationships with others in town! Anyways, 9/10 someone would say "I feel like I know you from somewhere." or "You look familiar.." To which I replied, "Well, I look like Kelly Clarkson. Here is my business card." Most of the time, they would just laugh it off and some would even say, "Oh my gosh, you do!" They had no idea how much bigger my head grew. :D 

In all seriousness, Kelly and I do have quite a few things in common besides our high cheek bones and big smiles. 

>We both have tattoos and love them. 

> We both hate sharks. ( Who knew?)

> We are both 5'5" tall. 

> We both have 5 letters in our name. 

> We are both loud and have a big laugh!

> She was born in Texas. I have lived in Texas a super long time. 

> We were both born in the '80s.

> We both LOVE Reba McEntire.

> We both love to sing! 

> We have both been divorced one time!

> We both had a troublesome relationship with our biological fathers, or perhaps not a relationship at all. 

> Our father's passed away about a year a part. 

This is where it gets real. For so long, I let my past and my crap relationship (or lack thereof) with my biological father determine the outcome every relationship I had. It was (and still is) hard for me to believe that people aren't just trying to see me fail or get hurt or worse... fall so hard that they look so good because "they helped me." Music has always helped me connect even has a child. It helps connect with myself, my feelings, my friends... hell... LIFE! 

Kelly's music has truly been so touching for me. I remember sitting in my room when I was in high school. Back left bedroom of the house. Windows were nailed shut. No air, no heat. Just me and my radio. I would lip sync the words to "Breakaway" with tears falling down my face because I DREAMED of the day that I would be free of all the emotional and physical abuse and neglect. Even now, her song "Piece by Piece" gets me in my feels. To think that someone couldn't be there for his child. I just can't even imagine treating my child the way my father treated me. 

Sometimes I wonder if she felt the way I felt when she learned of her father's passing. It was like a huge weight had been lifted. I remember being in Dilliard's in Texarkana when I got the call. I had just finished volunteering to wrap presents and I literally screamed "I am free!" Like... screamed! All the disappointment, all the memories, all the failures... every time I wasn't good enough. Every birthday he missed and every birthday I lived with him that he would NOT allow us to celebrate. It had all finally started to lift from my body. 

I want to meet Kelly, ya'll. I want to HUG her and THANK her for being there for me. For being there for all of us who struggle with how to put our emotions on paper. I want to tell her that she is truly an inspiration and that one day maybe I will have the courage to be more like her- STRONGER. 

#getKatietoKelly

This picture is from when I was a marketer for a local urgent care. We had a dress-up day each month. This was "Twin Day." I didn't have a twin, so I put Kelly Clarkson on a shirt and got my hair cut to match but a little shorter. 

Savings!

 

I’m not an extreme coupon expert by any means, but I work hard to find amazing deals. 

First let me tell you about the Libby app. I like to read but never have time so now, I read with my ears. Lol I downloaded the Libby app and link it to my library card. (Yes, I’m that person.) most library cards are free so why not?! Anyways, you can get audio books or books to read! Whoop!

So I start with The Krazy Coupon Lady app. She is amazing. Period. I let her send me notifications so I don’t miss any deals!

Next is a rebate app known as Ibotta. Love this. They have opportunities for you to earn bonuses, too! There are tons of rebates for in person and online shopping. I linked my Walmart Pay, and Walmart account so I can get the deals that I select on the Walmart Online option. Click the + sign to add to your list, take a picture of your receipt after shopping, and then scan the items that you bought at the store. Sometimes you don’t have to scan, which is easier.  Download here https://ibotta.onelink.me/iUfE/8cc13c64?friend_code=iqpduud  

and PLEASE use my referral code: iqpduud

(If you need help using it, just let me know!)

Another app I use is coupons.com. These are a compiled list of manufacturers coupons from brands like Kellogg’s, and P&G products. This one is pretty straight forward. Click the + sign to add to your list, take a picture of your receipt after shopping, and then scan the items that you bought at the store.  The coupons here are also found on other store apps like Dollar General and in some Sunday newspapers. So if you used the coupon in the store then you cannot stack it here to get even more back. (Let me know if you need help with this.)

Another rebate app I use is Fetch. It has a dog on it. Cute, huh? Anyways, similar concept here except you don’t have to add anything to a list. You just take a picture of your receipt and it ‘fetches’ the rewards for you! I also linked my email so it would find the deals on my Walmart grocery pick up trips too! 

Download here: A friend referred you to Fetch! Get the app here & earn 2,000 points for your first receipt: https://fetchrewards.onelink.me/vvv3/referraltext?code=2HB48Y

My referral code: 2HB48Y

Another rebate app I use is Checkout 51. No referral code needed here. Click the + sign to add to your list, take a picture of your receipt after shopping. Scan the items as it requests.

I also use Swagbucks. This one doesn’t have a lot of the brands that I use or match up with the deals I need it to… so I don’t use it as often as the others. But every little bit helps! 

Referral link here: Check out Swagbucks! I use it to get free gift cards! Click my link to join: https://www.swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=108242199&cmp=197&cxid=2001-app

This next one is one of my faves! Shopkick is fun to me. Honestly, if I don’t have lunch plans I walk around a store for an hour just scanning products. And all the kicks I get right now go towards Disney gift cards! Whoop! Anyways… so you select the store then they give you a list of items to scan. You pick up the item, scan the barcode and earn ‘kicks.’ Kicks will later be redeemable through gift cards. It’s that simple. Of course, not all stores have the items on the list. That’s how it goes. But you also have an opportunity to earn a higher number of kicks if you buy the item you scanned! Here is an example: If Suave Lotion is on the list then I will scan it and earn maybe 15 kicks. If I needed to buy the lotion then I would purchase it and scan my receipt and earn 1000 kicks. (These kicks are not real- just for an example.)

After you download the app be sure to use my referral code: SHOP616639

Dollar General app-

This is a great one especially for laundry detergent, fabric softener, toilet paper, and paper towels.

They have manufacturers coupons on their app, as well as Dollar General Coupons (like the $5 off $25). If you watch the sales and use coupons, as well as after shopping rebate apps, you can get some great deals. 

Check out this deal I got! 

(Pillsbury bowls x2 $2 (no additional coupons)

Doritos (on sale 2 or $5) $5 - no additional coupons

Gatorade(not pictured)- (on sale but 4 get 1 free) $5 no additional coupons 

Lysol to go pack- $1.00

DG coupons- $0.50 off

Total: $0.50

Benadryl- $5.85 

DG coupon- $1.00 off

Coupons.com App- $1.00 off

Total is $3.85

Airwick Warmer- (on sale for $1.50)

DG- $1.50

Coupons.com app- $1.50

Fetch Rewards- 15points = $1.50

Total- $3 money maker

Airwick fresh refill- $5

DG coupon- $1.50

Coupons.com app- $1.50

Fetch Rewards- 35 points = $3.50

Total- $1.50 money maker

CapNCrunxh Cereal x2 (on sale 2 for $5) $5

DG coupon- $2 off 2 boxes

Total $3 for 2 ($1.50 each)

General Mills Cereal- ( On sale 3 for $6) $6

Cinnamon Toast Crunch/ chocolate toast crunch/ honey bunches of oats

Coupons.com app- $1.00 off 2 boxes

Fetch Rewards- 12 points (or $1.20) for one box and 18 points (or $1.87) for another box

Total: $1.86 for 3 boxes or $0.62 each )

How about some Gas rebates?! So I use this app named Get Upside. I know.. sounds weird. (thanks for the referral, Stacy T.) Here is how it works. You pull the app up (while not driving) and it shows your location and where the best gas deals are. Once you select the gas station you want to use, put down your phone and drive there! Once you are there, go back to the app and click ‘Claim.’ It may ask you which card you are using but if you didn’t put your card in, then you need to keep the receipt. Then just pump your gas, get your receipt and claim your rewards! This isn’t much, honestly. But it will eventually help somewhere! 

Download here: Check out this free app that gets you cash back on gas and other errands! Click this link or use promo code TYB4C to get an extra 15¢/gal bonus the first time you make a purchase. https://upside.app.link/TYB4C 

I also use Walgreens and CVS for awesome deals! There is just so much!!! 

I hope you made it through this whole thing! Let me know if I can help you with your savings journey!!! 💜💜

-KT